Around early September I got really sick with H Pylori. For those who don't know what this is, its pretty much a bacteria found in your stomach that causes and extra build up of acid. So I suffered with TERRIBLE heart burn. Which eventually led to Pleurisy. This meaning my lung cavities were inflamed and I could barely breath. I struggled with it for what felt like FORVER. But was honestly probably about 2 months. During this time I grew very nervous and filled with anxiety. The not being able to breathe is bad enough but then its as if the devil was filling my head with terrible thoughts and fears, and to be honest, I thought I was gonna die! Not being able to breathe terrified me! To the point where I had such a bad anxiety attacks I had to go to the emergency room. I was in and out of doctors offices for months with no hope of anything being able to help. This was very discouraging. I couldn't take it anymore! I was so crippled with the fear of not being able to breathe, that eventually it was all I could focus on! I spent countless money on doctors and medicines, but nothing helped. I slept in a recliner for nearly 3 weeks! But as always, God had a plan. I was just to wrapped up in this emotional battle to see it. You see, I hadn't been depending on God through all of that. I was depending on doctors and medicines and old time remedies to heal me off this, and the prayers of other people, that I simply didn't ask. Now of course I prayed out of fear, but that wasn't sincere. I finally started praying sincerely, and slowly but surely I felt like I was able to breathe normally again! My symptoms still aren't 100% gone, but God will handle that. I'm no longer gonna be crippled by fear of these things. The devil was hard at work trying to put fear in my life. This all happened right after I found out I was accepted for Next Steps. What a game you play Satan! Distractions, distractions, distractions. Well, your not getting me again! ;)
Now to my missions journey ;) This trip is costing me $7000. Yes, thats a lot of money. Yes, its stressing me out. Yes, I'm scarred I may not raise it. But I'm trying NOT to dwell on those thoughts! Satan will tell you you can't do anything. But my faith in God, and God himself tells me I can do anything! Fundraising isn't going exactly according to plan, but if God is in it, He will provide. I have no doubt in my mind that I'm suppose to be in Africa. Africa is where my heart. Africa is where my future is. Africa means everything to me. I am willing and ready to do whatever it takes to get there! Even if that means begging on a street corner for change! I have a few fundraisers lined out, a bowling tournament (more info to come) t-shirts, yard sales, and next Sunday I am speaking at Smokey Lane Apostolic. I'm a little nervous, but my mother made a pretty good point. She said, "this is what your gonna have to do when you become a full time missionary." She's so wise ;) I honestly never thought about like that. And boy did I like the sound of those words! Full Time Missionary! I can hardly wait!
There will officially be 3 girls representing Africa on the missions field this summer! Isn't that amazing?! My friend Courtney Boyd is going on Next Steps with me, and then another girl she knows. We are so ready! Ready to win souls! Ready for some church! (ain't no church like church in Africa) And all in general just ready to be back. The thought of being back in Africa soon is sometimes the only that keeps me going. I love Arkansas. This is home, and will always be home. But I'm ready for something more. Ready to get my ministry started in Africa. It is so hard explaining that to people sometimes. But my mind is always wondering to Africa and it's people. I feel like everyday I spend here is an opportunity I'm missing over there. Now of course I know its all in due time, and good things come to those wait. And patience is a virtue. But man! My burden for that country is so big! It's getting hard to contain it over here! :) I often have to remind myself that everyday is a learning oppurtunity and that everyday God is training and preparing me for my future over there. So I'm ok with waiting, I'm ok with being here. For now... ;)
Please keep reading! I know this post didn't contain much but I promise I'll keep up better with updating! :) If you didn't see my last post my next trip to Africa is planned for June and July of this summer. 139 days left! AHHHH! :)
